It all started with a frog. Then the cattle came

Dear Void

I painted a pitcher for my younger kid.  I decided it would be a frog because I thought I could handle it: friendly lines, flat colours, easy to caricature and so on.  Then I had this psychedelically genius idea about making it celestial or god-like (eat some ‘shrooms and think :Ganesha) so now the Earth hangs in imminent peril at the mouth of the Uni-frogger (If I were smarter, there would be a Ted Kaczynski joke here).

So that’s that.  The kid hated it, and now it hangs in my office.

Now, this dick I used to work with (called Cattle – you’ll see why I told you that in a minute) had a petit version of an idea, ‘Erm like dude you should totally do a whole series with like different types of Earf in ‘em’.

I made him sound dumb there but the joke’s on me because I ended up taking the idea.  With disastrous results SO FUCK YOU CATTLE:

 

Firstly, it is patently obvious I put very little effort into this. I guess my heart wasn’t really in it.  Looking at it now, I feel like I was trying to rip off Gary Larson of ‘The Far Side’ fame but it’s a cow because of Cattle (Remember?  The dick I stole the idea from).  But I’m still proud of the coastline/tennis ball pattern allusion.  But then, as these pages will attest, I set the bar pretty effing low.  Oh and, do you see the strings on the tennis racket?  I done that by stabbing the brush through a swatch of fly screen.  I know, genius right?

Second, note the water damage.  This is the worst example but there are others because I don’t look after my toys and some of these poor, pariahed bastards were left to languish in the garage.

Did I just anthropomorphise my paintings?  Is there a Toy Story-esque script in there?  I’d better go, I’ve got an Oscar to win.

Soc is a fraud

downinahole