Here’s one I’ve been permitted to hang in the house; this is a
rare privilege (the reason for which will become apparent in subsequent pages
if the first one didn’t spell it out loud and clear):
I’ve already mentioned that I was a petty purist (which is
patently delusional for a boy who can’t paint!) and it’s evident again
here. You see that shaky-arsed, white
horizon? That was because a real artist
doesn’t use masking tape to make a crisp line OH NO A REAL ARTIST DOES IT
FREEHAND. Have you heard the story of Da
Vinci’s perfect circle? That.
Wanker.
I should interrupt myself for a sec here. I rarely, if ever, name paintings. I usually deem it finished when I’m sick of looking
at it rather than when it’s good (which is a futile pursuit anyway, if you catch my
meaning) so I don’t get around to naming them.
Canvases around this size typically cost fifty or sixty
bucks. The cost of paint is
negligible. The frame my wife insisted
on fitting was four hundred and something and, I think, does little to improve
the look. The lesson learned was that
nothing I paint is ever worth framing.
Where was I? Oh. This
painting began its life as a sketch I did when I was about fourteen when
thought that ‘weird’ was the same as ‘surreal’.
Maybe it is, I’m no artist:
There might have been a crucifixion
influence but I mainly like the warped archway shape. You’ll likely see more of it in these pages
along with many crucifixes (another thing which fascinates me).
I bought a tiny canvas and easel at My Local for reasons which are
entirely twee. So I replicated the
painting again on this tiny scale and it sits on my desk at work:
Much to my disappointment, the number of times people ask about it
is zero. But of course every man and his
Llama wants to tell me their rotary phone story (the one you see just to the
left of my little picture is the one from my childhood home, painted gold. Before you start in, yes I stole the idea
from Andy Warhol).
I’ve been rather self-deprecating today, huh? Now watch me bash myself up for that too, because
Soc is a fraud
downinahole
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